あ

define yourself. it doesn't matter what the other people think about me. be yourself. be confident. Be honest, be respectful, know yourself...you have to be analytical, logical, comprehensive.... XXX

I forgot one more thing. i cannot remember.

I think I am not confident about myself. I don't even know who I am. WHY am I using "MD" instead of my real name? Am I being honest ? or am I joking all the time ? Do you think people take me seriously ? I don't think no one would take me seriously if I keep being like this. I should think about my identity. I should define myself. Who Am I ? I think I am always trying to disguise myself. I am always afraid of being hated. That's how I was growing up and that is me. But do you think it is good? Is it being honest? or am I lying to everyone? I am not honest. I disguise myself because I am afraid. I am afraid of everything. Look at Yuyu. He is not afraid of anything. He is just being himself, and that's attractive to everyone. That's why everyone likes him. That's the quality that I do not have, and that he has, and what I want. Many people says I am funny, and I like being said that. But do you think people take me seriously ? I don't think so. I actually didn't notice that by now... who am I ? DO I wanna be a guy like that? Everyone thinks I am a silly person, and I don't want that. I need a real "seriousness" with a little bit of silliness. Not just silliness. No one wants to date with someone who cannot be serious. It's not just about date, but it's same for business situations. What does my future employer think about me if I introduce myself as "MD" ? They think I am silly, no one takes me seriously. I really need to change this. I am very glad to talk to my friend. He is one of my iconic people. He always helps me. He always helps people, he is always honest, and seems like he knows himself. I really need to define myself. I really need some help about this.　Many of my friends do not think I can be serious. I can get 7 on economics, I can be serious. Not just about study, but I can do serious talk. Jack said I only seem serious when I talk to Y in Japanese. Probably most of my friends think like that. In a same way. People think I am silly, and that's all. Just an entertainment. That's what B and J said as well I just remembered. They just look at me as an entertainment, and not a serious person. I really did not notice about this, and I am very thankful to Jack for this...

明日はシンガポールに出発する。なんか海外久しぶりだな。